I met my match.

I met my match in a third grade language arts/social studies job opening at a charter school in Raleigh. 

I didn't get it. 

I know what you're thinking, people don't get jobs every day, Lucy - this isn't a big deal. The unemployment rate is at epic proportions in parts of the country, people not getting a job isn't a big deal. 

Not getting a job is a big deal, and it is a big deal to me. For me, this is the first occurrence of this kind. Yes, in my twenty-four years, this is the first time I haven't gotten what I wanted professionally or academically. I haven't always been the prettiest or the most athletic, but I've always been close to the smartest, and refused to be outworked by anyone - call it boastful, but I know my strengths. I have never not gotten the job, until last night, when I saw the principal's name flash across my inbox, and I took a breath and read it. I reread it, and reread it again to be sure - yeah, I didn't get it. The competition was tough, we went in the best direction - blah, blah, blah - it all means the same thing - We didn't pick you. 

I took it harder than I thought. For my first disappointment in my professional career, I took it as hard as a boy breaking up with me. I cried, had a pity party, cried to my mom on the phone, blew my nose, and cried some more. I sobbed I wasn't good enough or not worthy enough, but at the end of the day, what good does that do? 

Truth be told, I am good enough - I am good enough for that richy-rich school and I am good enough at the 100% free and reduced lunch school and everything in between- I am good enough anywhere - it just wasn't my time. Say what you will about destiny and a life plan, but I honestly believe if things are meant for you, you will receive them. You will not have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. You won't have to make unrealistic promises or outlandish trades to get what you deserve. It will come to you - through hard work and perseverance, it will come to you. 

So, here it is Tuesday, on the last week of school, and my wounds are fresh from disappointment and already missing my students more than I should. I am a weepy mess, and that's okay. It's time to finish out school and place job-searching and life-searching on the back burner, because I have an itty bitty amount of time left with my best friends who are ten, and I will enjoy every minute of it, because for them - I am enough. I am more than enough (they threw me a surprise party - more to come later), and for me, they are my support system, my motivation, the reason I will probably end up single with ten cats and ten degrees, and not regret any of it. 

My tale for Tuesday - There is no elevator to success - you have to take the stairs. Sometimes, the stairwell closes and you have wait for another door to open, sometimes you have to go back down and take another set, and sometimes, you sit down on the stairs and have a party while you wait. Either way, however you do it - do it. Meet your matches and sprint when you can - work as hard as you expect others too. 

Until Thursday, my friends (: