Dear cupcakes...

Dear cupcakes, 

Today, I had a thought - what if I had never met you? 

What if, by some fluke, you wouldn't have ended up in my class? What if I wouldn't have changed my major to education that day my sophomore year? What if I hadn't been so persistent to get hired at this elementary school? What if we had never met? 

Would I ever meet someone who has as special as you, who was so innately curious about the world? Probably not. 

Everything happens for a reason, and there was a reason that you were in my class this year. There was a reason you were picked for me. I needed to be reminded why I became a teacher. I needed to be reminded that real lives, real issues, real stuff bleeds over into the classroom despite how much we try to seal ourselves off into a safe place. I needed to be reminded that you need an advocate who isn't afraid to challenge the typical or travel the beaten path. I needed to be reminded of those things. 

This isn't a one-sided relationship; however, you benefited from me too. We learned the Common Core state standards so well that you told me you practiced fractions in your sleep. You learned how to learn vocabulary words easily and what you need to help you remember them - most of you speak two or three languages, the words you know can get cluttered. I helped you sort them. We had parties, treats, and I taught you selfless love. How do I know you taught me this? 

You gave me a surprise party. You planned it. You brought in money, asked other teachers, and begged for people to hide the treats in your room. You did that, without being asked or told. That's selfless. You learn to love others how I loved you, and isn't that the ultimate goal of school, to become a better person all around? 

We've taught each other so much, and now it's over - another year added to the books, and I am so glad I spent it with you. 

This isn't good-bye, it's see you later - you have my number, use it. Call me, text me - I will be there cheering you on every day. 

Love you, mean it - 

Miss Scott 

Filled hearts and refrigerators.

This weekend, my mom and dad came to see me and that was life changing in every way. 

It had been a very long time since I've seen my family. Trips home are expensive, and as a teacher, money is hard to come by, but time is also hard to come by, and for a whole host of reasons, this was our first visit in a while. 

I had surgery on Friday, and who doesn't want their mom to come when they have surgery? After a very long, long, long Friday, I finally figured out why I've been feeling so awful for so long. My stomach valve doesn't close, and so my body is constantly producing acid, which was making me feel awful all the time, but with modern medicine, I am already starting to feel better. I also moved this weekend, which is probably more interesting than hearing about my acidic stomach.

My new apartment is literally double what I was living in, and I couldn't be more happier! I have been looking forward to moving for a couple months - in fact, it's the only thing I've been looking forward too, given the state of my professional life. So, here I am, in a semi-unpacked apartment, with a heart and a refrigerator filled with love, watching The Little Mermaid, and attempting to relax before the EOGs start tomorrow. 

My students are ready. I am ready. I cannot focus on the anxiety that surrounds high stakes testing. A good/great/fantastic (whatever adjective you want to use) teacher does not let her students know failure is an option, because her attitude of excellence is so ingrained in herself and her classroom culture that her students do not know anything less. That is how I approach the next few days - by reminding my students that everything about them is amazing and that they are, by far, the smartest and most ready, because they're in my class. [: 

In other education news, this past week, the NC legislature presented a budget with an 11% raise! Can we believe our eyes? How generous of them? -_- 

Not. 

Don't be fooled by pretty presentation - they are offering a steak dinner on a trash can lid. Don't take the trash dinner. Don't eat their garbage. The legal jargon they have drowned the budget in is ridiculous - we get an 11% raise if we give up our tenure, if we challenge them in court, they put everyone back on the frozen pay scale - please, get your life, and take several seats, NC legislature. Go home. You're drunk. In a day and age, when teachers are leaving NC in droves, you are going to present this trash dinner - I'll starve. 

I don't know if I am going to teach for forever. At this rate, I'm seriously considering going to law school and fight them at their own game, but that's what they want - they want us to leave, so what do I do? What do we do, as a collective educational body? 

With the summer quickly approaching, everyone - educators and non-educators - need to be wary of anything that seems too good to be true, because more than likely, it is. 

In closing, it's the last week before the last week of school, and EOG week - I am going to make it one of the best experiences for my students that I can and with every action, attempt to show the world that there are teachers who do care and who do make this their life. 

Photo Credit: Google Images 

Thoughts for Thursday.

I am a sucker for alliteration - as most of my posts show. Today is no different - let's have some positive thoughts for Thursday. 

This week has been a whirlwind - as most are, but the urgency of the EOG has been looming over my head and my students, and we have been putting in work to see results. We've been working hard all year (don't get it twisted), but every great puts in hard work in the eleventh hour.

Despite my personal and professional life being in shambles for a ton of reasons, my time with students is something I crave. It's consistency, it's safe, and it's a positive experience. I love being in my classroom with them, and having discussions about humans and their impact on ecosystems, watching disgusting videos of parasites, and trying every operation to figure out a word problem - being their teacher, being a teacher is the only thing I am sure of in my life right now. 

This week has been hard, because I have realized that people I respected do not necessarily have respect for me. I won't get too specific or too personal for professional reasons, but I had a moment of clarity when my tender heart realized that not everyone, even those who I respect, respect or value me. This has made me reevaluate my choice to stay at my school, and where I want my life to go. 

I recently read an article about turning 25 (which I do this year), and the author made a point to explain that at 25, she had to make some concrete decisions about where her life was going and where it would go, and at the end of the day, she had to cut off activities that were toxic or not helping her achieve her ultimate goal. I feel like that right now. How much do I cut off - how much do I change, so I can achieve my ultimate goal? How much do I tolerate for convenience and comfort? How much of myself do I sacrifice for a chance to do what I want? 

I have a job interview on Tuesday for a private school in a neighboring city. I am completing applications for another round of graduate school (cheers to being a life-long learner!), and I am supposed to move into a new apartment next Saturday.

Whatever decision I make in the next nine days will affect everything for next year and potentially, the rest of my life; but at the end of the day, I only have myself to be loyal to - no matter how much I feel loyal to my work place or to a supervisor or a colleague - I only have myself and my dream to truly think about. 

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

Motivation Monday! (:

photo credit: Pinterest

While Monday is almost over, the need for motivation never is! 

It's been a while since I have blogged, especially about my search for a new home and a new job, and it's because my present has been so busy that I haven't had time to think about my future, which may be a good thing! 

Over spring break, instead of seriously job and soul searching, I relaxed. I took a breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding, and it was marvelous. I spent time with my best friend and my family and it was exactly what I needed. I actually read a book for fun - not to tell my kids about, not to learn more best practices - just for fun, and it was so necessary for myself. I participated in a creative writing group that I worked to get accepted into, but have neglected due to work and school, and that was so nice to have people recognize me apart from my job or profession. I realized, over spring break, that a large part of my self-identity is wrapped up in my job. I'll leave that for another blog post. (: 

We are in the midst of EOG review, which is a work-out for me and my kids. Critically thinking for 90% of your day is exhausting for everyone, even the grown-up in the room, so it's been a challenge to help my kids adjust, when I can't even get myself together half the time. I can't complain though - my students are such hard workers; their work ethic will put anyone's to shame. My part time job has finally wrapped, and I am so grateful for that opportunity. The world knows I already didn't make enough money, so having a second job has more than helped out with expenses, but it will be nice to have the time back to focus on school and the potential of another job. 

I have an interview for the job in California on Wednesday via Skype, which is very exciting, but at the same time, I am almost numb to the experience. I think my mind has put itself on auto-pilot while job searching, because it's so overwhelming. I get so anxious that I won't be good enough or I won't make the right decision or I won't like the outcome - I worry more about the outcome than I do about the journey, and it shouldn't be that at all. I need to enjoy the journey and be prepared for an outcome either way. Some people would give up a lot for this opportunity, and I have to take advantage of it. So here's to California and good news! 

With Monday winding to a close and Tuesday getting dressed and packing its lunch to report for duty, take a moment to breathe and remember that this is your life. No one else owns it. No one else is owed an explanation or an answer or a justification. It's your's. You do what you want with it - however little or big it is, you do it. If all else fails, just remember Jay-Z and Beyonce are going on tour together this summer and all will be right in the world again. 

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:25-26

Photo credit: Pinterest

Photo credit: Pinterest

Working Woman Wednesday!

Photo courtesy of Pinterest/Bluntcard 

Feeling frustrated? Waiting for greatness? Wishing for fame and fortune? 

Stop, pause, and enjoy #workingwomanwednesday! 

It's been a week since my last post, and while my job search has slowed and I haven't heard much from other schools, my life has still be a whirlwind. I've been having small moments, where I've been rethinking relocating or leaving my current school, and who knows why? My mind and my life are entities of their own. I can make plans, I can fill out applications and I can call and interview, but at the end of the day, if God and the world has another plan for me, then it all doesn't matter. I have had to come to terms with this lately, that there are times when things are legitimately out of my control. That sounds so stupid, especially since I am 24 - you would think I would have learned or observed that by now. I am an obnoxious control freak, bordering on the point of therapy, and up until now, everything I have wanted, at least in a professional sense, I have gotten. This is the first time I have ever had to slow down and wait. 

Realistically, that's neither here nor there, because I have a current job and current cupcakes, who need me and my undivided attention. We are preparing for EOGs and my students and I are preparing for our version of a championship. My students work so hard and are so very wonderful - I couldn't ask for a better class, and after seeing their Case 21 scores yesterday, they don't have such a bad teacher either. (: 

That brings me to my overall point on this halfway rainy, halfway to spring break Wednesday - today, praise yourself. Take a moment to stop and praise yourself. Don't wait for someone else to do it or someone else to notice - you will be waiting forever. Treat yourself kindly and love yourself. Your opinion matters more than anything else. 

This is so very important to me right now, because I am seeking to believe in myself internally as much as I appear believe in myself externally. I want you to do the same thing - make your inner voice match your outer voice. All of those things you want to hear from someone else, make yourself say them. Don't let others influence how you feel about yourself. You have one self - spend your life loving yourself, and what the world thinks won't matter. 

Photo courtesy of Pinterest 

Working Woman Wednesday!

Photo Credit: Kush and Wizdon

Wednesday - my favorite Addams family member, not quite my favorite day of the week, but I am a sucker for alliteration. (: 

There have been so many little moments in this week that have reminded me how grateful I am for my life and the people in it. My students, despite having mock EOGs three days this week, have kept positive spirits and handled it well. My mom has called me twice to wake up, since I forgot to set any alarm (Where do they do that at?) I haven't been to the beach since my senior year of college, so pretty much a million years ago, and my best friend and I planned a two day trip that I could not be more excited about. When you need reminding, your life will remind how much you have and how blessed you are and that's a beautiful thing.  

On the job front, since that was the main purpose for this endeavor, things have quieted. I could not afford to travel to California at such short notice for an interview, so they are working to schedule Skype interviews with me, and I have made a list of places I am interested in. As most in the educational field know, teachers hold onto jobs till the literal last moment, so right now, we are in a waiting game. We can definitely cross any place outside of the US off (for now.) Again, this is a journey - journeys aren't meant to a straight path or even a mapped course. You have to chart your own way. People can come if they want, but remember: success isn't an escalator, it's a staircase. 

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Motivation Monday!

Photo credit: http://mybroadband.co.za/photos/showphoto.php/photo/32471/title/cat-greeting-monday/cat/500

I feel bad for Monday - it gets such a bad wrap. The first day of the work week, the first day after the weekend - it already begins its life being 0-2, but Monday can change if we change the way we approach it. Monday can illuminate its possibilities for you if you can change your first thought in the morning. 

My goal is that every Monday, I will post a list of goals I would like to accomplish for the week and a quote and probably a cat or Beyonce picture (two of my favorite things!) 

Here's to motivation Monday! 

Goals for the Week 

1. Work at least twice - I started a weight loss journey in the summer, and while I have maintained and even lost a few more pounds and inches, I want to build my summer body while it's still a little winter outside. 

2. Grade papers and do report cards - Report cards go out next Monday, and I would like to actually get ahead of the beast, and have them done this week, so I won't spend my weekend drowning in a sea of papers. 

3. Complete a devotional three mornings this week - You can't do it alone. I choose to do it with God. It's a comforting aspect of my life to remember that I don't have to make decisions or choices without the greatest counsel. 

4. Start 100 days of Happy challenge - Lots of people I know are doing the 100 days of Happy challenge and I think it's a great idea. One of my life's missions is that the world sees there are still compassionate, selfless people in the world and what a better way to show the world you love your life and circumstances? Read more about the challenge here: http://100happydays.com/

There you have it - 4 obtainable goals, and the only thing separating me and success is me. We have to overcome that - overcome your own self doubt, which we are all plagued with, and kill this week. Slay it dead like Kentucky did Michigan. This is another opportunity to create the person you want to be and to chase the life you have always desired. 

Quotes 

"The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything." - Albert Einstein 

"May the odds be ever in your favor." - The Hunger Games 

"Be in love with your life, every detail of it." - Jack Kerouac