Working Woman Wednesday!

It's been a while since we've celebrated a #workingwomanwednesday - hash tag and all. Today is as good as any, especially since today is the first Wednesday of summer vacation, and I'm still working. 

I'm attending a technology workshop for my district and while it does pay a stipend, I'm genuinely excited learn new strategies for technology in my classroom. I read a quote recently that teachers need summers to forget, or they'd never come back, and that teachers are solar-powered and recharge in the summer. I feel like both are true. Teachers need to forget the grueling hours and lack of encouragement from outsiders and we need to recharge ourselves, but also our toolbox of methods we use to teach our babes. 

Every artist seeks perfection, and I am no different. If you're a good or great teacher, you are always constantly seeking ways to better your performance and strategies. If you're a teacher, and you don't seek to improve yourself, then I have serious concerns about your performance in the classroom. 

So, here's to #workingwomanwednesday - here's to the ladies that do it all all the time, and never ask for validation - here's to the women who work on their days off and answer work e-mails while watching TV - here's to the girls who spend their summers at Food Lion and not the pool - today is for you! 

I met my match.

I met my match in a third grade language arts/social studies job opening at a charter school in Raleigh. 

I didn't get it. 

I know what you're thinking, people don't get jobs every day, Lucy - this isn't a big deal. The unemployment rate is at epic proportions in parts of the country, people not getting a job isn't a big deal. 

Not getting a job is a big deal, and it is a big deal to me. For me, this is the first occurrence of this kind. Yes, in my twenty-four years, this is the first time I haven't gotten what I wanted professionally or academically. I haven't always been the prettiest or the most athletic, but I've always been close to the smartest, and refused to be outworked by anyone - call it boastful, but I know my strengths. I have never not gotten the job, until last night, when I saw the principal's name flash across my inbox, and I took a breath and read it. I reread it, and reread it again to be sure - yeah, I didn't get it. The competition was tough, we went in the best direction - blah, blah, blah - it all means the same thing - We didn't pick you. 

I took it harder than I thought. For my first disappointment in my professional career, I took it as hard as a boy breaking up with me. I cried, had a pity party, cried to my mom on the phone, blew my nose, and cried some more. I sobbed I wasn't good enough or not worthy enough, but at the end of the day, what good does that do? 

Truth be told, I am good enough - I am good enough for that richy-rich school and I am good enough at the 100% free and reduced lunch school and everything in between- I am good enough anywhere - it just wasn't my time. Say what you will about destiny and a life plan, but I honestly believe if things are meant for you, you will receive them. You will not have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. You won't have to make unrealistic promises or outlandish trades to get what you deserve. It will come to you - through hard work and perseverance, it will come to you. 

So, here it is Tuesday, on the last week of school, and my wounds are fresh from disappointment and already missing my students more than I should. I am a weepy mess, and that's okay. It's time to finish out school and place job-searching and life-searching on the back burner, because I have an itty bitty amount of time left with my best friends who are ten, and I will enjoy every minute of it, because for them - I am enough. I am more than enough (they threw me a surprise party - more to come later), and for me, they are my support system, my motivation, the reason I will probably end up single with ten cats and ten degrees, and not regret any of it. 

My tale for Tuesday - There is no elevator to success - you have to take the stairs. Sometimes, the stairwell closes and you have wait for another door to open, sometimes you have to go back down and take another set, and sometimes, you sit down on the stairs and have a party while you wait. Either way, however you do it - do it. Meet your matches and sprint when you can - work as hard as you expect others too. 

Until Thursday, my friends (: 

Filled hearts and refrigerators.

This weekend, my mom and dad came to see me and that was life changing in every way. 

It had been a very long time since I've seen my family. Trips home are expensive, and as a teacher, money is hard to come by, but time is also hard to come by, and for a whole host of reasons, this was our first visit in a while. 

I had surgery on Friday, and who doesn't want their mom to come when they have surgery? After a very long, long, long Friday, I finally figured out why I've been feeling so awful for so long. My stomach valve doesn't close, and so my body is constantly producing acid, which was making me feel awful all the time, but with modern medicine, I am already starting to feel better. I also moved this weekend, which is probably more interesting than hearing about my acidic stomach.

My new apartment is literally double what I was living in, and I couldn't be more happier! I have been looking forward to moving for a couple months - in fact, it's the only thing I've been looking forward too, given the state of my professional life. So, here I am, in a semi-unpacked apartment, with a heart and a refrigerator filled with love, watching The Little Mermaid, and attempting to relax before the EOGs start tomorrow. 

My students are ready. I am ready. I cannot focus on the anxiety that surrounds high stakes testing. A good/great/fantastic (whatever adjective you want to use) teacher does not let her students know failure is an option, because her attitude of excellence is so ingrained in herself and her classroom culture that her students do not know anything less. That is how I approach the next few days - by reminding my students that everything about them is amazing and that they are, by far, the smartest and most ready, because they're in my class. [: 

In other education news, this past week, the NC legislature presented a budget with an 11% raise! Can we believe our eyes? How generous of them? -_- 

Not. 

Don't be fooled by pretty presentation - they are offering a steak dinner on a trash can lid. Don't take the trash dinner. Don't eat their garbage. The legal jargon they have drowned the budget in is ridiculous - we get an 11% raise if we give up our tenure, if we challenge them in court, they put everyone back on the frozen pay scale - please, get your life, and take several seats, NC legislature. Go home. You're drunk. In a day and age, when teachers are leaving NC in droves, you are going to present this trash dinner - I'll starve. 

I don't know if I am going to teach for forever. At this rate, I'm seriously considering going to law school and fight them at their own game, but that's what they want - they want us to leave, so what do I do? What do we do, as a collective educational body? 

With the summer quickly approaching, everyone - educators and non-educators - need to be wary of anything that seems too good to be true, because more than likely, it is. 

In closing, it's the last week before the last week of school, and EOG week - I am going to make it one of the best experiences for my students that I can and with every action, attempt to show the world that there are teachers who do care and who do make this their life. 

Photo Credit: Google Images 

I love crime and children.

Tuesday, stop being Monday and put your terrific face on! It's only a three day work week - I am having a procedure done on Friday, so we aren't counting Friday. 

I can't believe it's here - essentially, the end of school and EOGs. Everything after this is end of year reading testing, packing up my classroom (I am moving back to the mobile units), and enjoying the last few moments with this class that I have loved so much! 

This week is going to be a whirlwind - I have an interview today. My parents are coming in and I am moving this weekend - all things that I am excited about! This interview is my last attempt to leave my current situation. If I don't get offered the job, I am destined to stay at my school one more year, unless I can enroll myself in school full time over the summer, which is another fantastic idea! 

In life, you aren't destined to have the same career or job for forever. Life does not work that way. People love more than one thing, but how do you decide when it is time to move on? How do you decide when to stop pursuing one set of interests for another, especially when they are so vastly different? 

I love children and crime equally. Yes, you read that right - children and crime. I love educating children, but I also love trans-continental crime (the appropriate word for large criminal organizations.) After watching Narco Cultura on Netflix yesterday, my first instinct was to find a university who could bankroll my research into these organizations. That, however, would mean leaving behind teaching in the classroom, at least for a handful of years, to get the appropriate degrees and such. Then, I'm back at square one - which interests do I pursue and for how long? 

Who knew choosing between your passions would be so difficult? Who knew it was such a crime to love two things equally? 

So here's to loving children and crime. Here's to a job interview, and here's to trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life.

Photo Credit: Google Images

Thoughts for Thursday.

I am a sucker for alliteration - as most of my posts show. Today is no different - let's have some positive thoughts for Thursday. 

This week has been a whirlwind - as most are, but the urgency of the EOG has been looming over my head and my students, and we have been putting in work to see results. We've been working hard all year (don't get it twisted), but every great puts in hard work in the eleventh hour.

Despite my personal and professional life being in shambles for a ton of reasons, my time with students is something I crave. It's consistency, it's safe, and it's a positive experience. I love being in my classroom with them, and having discussions about humans and their impact on ecosystems, watching disgusting videos of parasites, and trying every operation to figure out a word problem - being their teacher, being a teacher is the only thing I am sure of in my life right now. 

This week has been hard, because I have realized that people I respected do not necessarily have respect for me. I won't get too specific or too personal for professional reasons, but I had a moment of clarity when my tender heart realized that not everyone, even those who I respect, respect or value me. This has made me reevaluate my choice to stay at my school, and where I want my life to go. 

I recently read an article about turning 25 (which I do this year), and the author made a point to explain that at 25, she had to make some concrete decisions about where her life was going and where it would go, and at the end of the day, she had to cut off activities that were toxic or not helping her achieve her ultimate goal. I feel like that right now. How much do I cut off - how much do I change, so I can achieve my ultimate goal? How much do I tolerate for convenience and comfort? How much of myself do I sacrifice for a chance to do what I want? 

I have a job interview on Tuesday for a private school in a neighboring city. I am completing applications for another round of graduate school (cheers to being a life-long learner!), and I am supposed to move into a new apartment next Saturday.

Whatever decision I make in the next nine days will affect everything for next year and potentially, the rest of my life; but at the end of the day, I only have myself to be loyal to - no matter how much I feel loyal to my work place or to a supervisor or a colleague - I only have myself and my dream to truly think about. 

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

Working Woman Wednesday!

Photo courtesy of Pinterest/Bluntcard 

Feeling frustrated? Waiting for greatness? Wishing for fame and fortune? 

Stop, pause, and enjoy #workingwomanwednesday! 

It's been a week since my last post, and while my job search has slowed and I haven't heard much from other schools, my life has still be a whirlwind. I've been having small moments, where I've been rethinking relocating or leaving my current school, and who knows why? My mind and my life are entities of their own. I can make plans, I can fill out applications and I can call and interview, but at the end of the day, if God and the world has another plan for me, then it all doesn't matter. I have had to come to terms with this lately, that there are times when things are legitimately out of my control. That sounds so stupid, especially since I am 24 - you would think I would have learned or observed that by now. I am an obnoxious control freak, bordering on the point of therapy, and up until now, everything I have wanted, at least in a professional sense, I have gotten. This is the first time I have ever had to slow down and wait. 

Realistically, that's neither here nor there, because I have a current job and current cupcakes, who need me and my undivided attention. We are preparing for EOGs and my students and I are preparing for our version of a championship. My students work so hard and are so very wonderful - I couldn't ask for a better class, and after seeing their Case 21 scores yesterday, they don't have such a bad teacher either. (: 

That brings me to my overall point on this halfway rainy, halfway to spring break Wednesday - today, praise yourself. Take a moment to stop and praise yourself. Don't wait for someone else to do it or someone else to notice - you will be waiting forever. Treat yourself kindly and love yourself. Your opinion matters more than anything else. 

This is so very important to me right now, because I am seeking to believe in myself internally as much as I appear believe in myself externally. I want you to do the same thing - make your inner voice match your outer voice. All of those things you want to hear from someone else, make yourself say them. Don't let others influence how you feel about yourself. You have one self - spend your life loving yourself, and what the world thinks won't matter. 

Photo courtesy of Pinterest 

Working Woman Wednesday!

Photo Credit: Kush and Wizdon

Wednesday - my favorite Addams family member, not quite my favorite day of the week, but I am a sucker for alliteration. (: 

There have been so many little moments in this week that have reminded me how grateful I am for my life and the people in it. My students, despite having mock EOGs three days this week, have kept positive spirits and handled it well. My mom has called me twice to wake up, since I forgot to set any alarm (Where do they do that at?) I haven't been to the beach since my senior year of college, so pretty much a million years ago, and my best friend and I planned a two day trip that I could not be more excited about. When you need reminding, your life will remind how much you have and how blessed you are and that's a beautiful thing.  

On the job front, since that was the main purpose for this endeavor, things have quieted. I could not afford to travel to California at such short notice for an interview, so they are working to schedule Skype interviews with me, and I have made a list of places I am interested in. As most in the educational field know, teachers hold onto jobs till the literal last moment, so right now, we are in a waiting game. We can definitely cross any place outside of the US off (for now.) Again, this is a journey - journeys aren't meant to a straight path or even a mapped course. You have to chart your own way. People can come if they want, but remember: success isn't an escalator, it's a staircase. 

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

My best friends are ten.

"I showed my masterpiece to the grown-ups, and asked them whether the drawing frightened them. They answered me: 'Why should any one be frightened by a hat?'

My drawing was not a picture of a hat. It was a picture of a boa constrictor digesting an elephant. Then, I drew the inside of the boa constrictor, so that the grown-ups could see it clearly. They always need to have things explained." courtesy of GoodReads 

The other day, I was speaking to my friend, my adult friend, and I caught myself saying, "My friend Jane..." My friend immediately stopped me and said, "Jane? Isn't she one of your students?" We laughed it off, and moved on to another topic, but the slip of my tongue gives a lot away about myself. 

My best friends are ten. My students are my friends. I spend more time in their presence than I do with anyone else. Everyone can save their "You shouldn't be their friend" crap for another poor soul, because the reality is that makes me a great teacher. The literature on best practices is exhaustive, literature on reaching students of special populations is equally represented, but very few people mention the fact that if your students don't like you or do not feel supported, they won't work for you, and they won't learn. I had a professor in college tell someone who checked on my references that I was too passionate - you can never be too passionate, you can never love your students enough. It's a strength, not a weakness. The world should be concerned when teachers lose their passion and their love for their students. My decision to relocate and seek other avenues for my life has nothing to do with my students, but it has everything to do with what they are teaching me. 

This post began with a quote from The Little Prince, one of my favorite stories (and I recommend that every single person read it multiple times), and I couldn't feel more true about it's sentiment. The narrator, an airplane pilot, had dreams of being an artist, but grown-ups criticized in the way grown-ups do, and dashed his dreams, calling his clearly dangerous boa constrictor a hat. He was afraid to draw again, because of others' opinions, and how true is that for all of us, all of us who have already had grown-ups tell us that no one would be afraid of a hat? My students show me every day don't be afraid and don't care what people think. Wear what you want, act how you want, and inevitably, you will find someone and somewhere in the world who appreciates that. My students are fearless, and that is a true lesson I have learned from them. They come in every day almost totally unaware of what we are going to do that day, but they meet each day with a smile and an undying passion to learn and live and have fun. It's that lesson that has comforted me in the thought of leaving and starting new. 

To my best friends - thanks for teaching me more than I could ever teach you. 

Photos courtesy of Google Images

The Boa Constrictor