I met my match.

I met my match in a third grade language arts/social studies job opening at a charter school in Raleigh. 

I didn't get it. 

I know what you're thinking, people don't get jobs every day, Lucy - this isn't a big deal. The unemployment rate is at epic proportions in parts of the country, people not getting a job isn't a big deal. 

Not getting a job is a big deal, and it is a big deal to me. For me, this is the first occurrence of this kind. Yes, in my twenty-four years, this is the first time I haven't gotten what I wanted professionally or academically. I haven't always been the prettiest or the most athletic, but I've always been close to the smartest, and refused to be outworked by anyone - call it boastful, but I know my strengths. I have never not gotten the job, until last night, when I saw the principal's name flash across my inbox, and I took a breath and read it. I reread it, and reread it again to be sure - yeah, I didn't get it. The competition was tough, we went in the best direction - blah, blah, blah - it all means the same thing - We didn't pick you. 

I took it harder than I thought. For my first disappointment in my professional career, I took it as hard as a boy breaking up with me. I cried, had a pity party, cried to my mom on the phone, blew my nose, and cried some more. I sobbed I wasn't good enough or not worthy enough, but at the end of the day, what good does that do? 

Truth be told, I am good enough - I am good enough for that richy-rich school and I am good enough at the 100% free and reduced lunch school and everything in between- I am good enough anywhere - it just wasn't my time. Say what you will about destiny and a life plan, but I honestly believe if things are meant for you, you will receive them. You will not have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. You won't have to make unrealistic promises or outlandish trades to get what you deserve. It will come to you - through hard work and perseverance, it will come to you. 

So, here it is Tuesday, on the last week of school, and my wounds are fresh from disappointment and already missing my students more than I should. I am a weepy mess, and that's okay. It's time to finish out school and place job-searching and life-searching on the back burner, because I have an itty bitty amount of time left with my best friends who are ten, and I will enjoy every minute of it, because for them - I am enough. I am more than enough (they threw me a surprise party - more to come later), and for me, they are my support system, my motivation, the reason I will probably end up single with ten cats and ten degrees, and not regret any of it. 

My tale for Tuesday - There is no elevator to success - you have to take the stairs. Sometimes, the stairwell closes and you have wait for another door to open, sometimes you have to go back down and take another set, and sometimes, you sit down on the stairs and have a party while you wait. Either way, however you do it - do it. Meet your matches and sprint when you can - work as hard as you expect others too. 

Until Thursday, my friends (: 

I'm Moving!

Photo Credit: Pinterest

That's right, I'm moving...




to a new apartment complex about 10 minutes away from my current one. (: What does this mean? This means I am staying in North Carolina. I am declining the job in California. 

Please save the you're only young once, you have one life speech for someone else. I am young. I only have one life, and I am choosing how to live it. 

Staying in North Carolina does not make my life less meaningful or exciting; on the flip side, it makes it that much more meaningful and exciting. A few carefully placed events in the past few days have showed me my life is here, at least for the next few years. I have built a name for myself as an educator and have made a life that I am proud of and love (most days.) So, I will respectfully decline the job to California, which was perfect and wonderful on paper, and who knows - it could have been in real life too. It just wasn't for me. 

This blog was created to chronicle my journey for new beginnings and my search for my place, and through this whole process, I have found what I was looking for. It was right in front of me. That sounds so clique, but it's true. Being forced to think about the idea of moving away forced me to see the amazing things that I have in front of me. It forced me to see that I am surrounded by friends who have become a tiny little family for me, a job that I love (most days), a city that I have grown to call home, and a few other things that I am keeping a secret for now. (: 

I can't say how long I'll stay in North Carolina. It will be for at least a year, maybe longer if I can re-enroll in school in the fall for a Ph.D program. I do know one thing is for sure - this isn't the end. It's very much the beginning, very much the fresh outlook I had been craving to make my life even more fulfilling and enjoyable here. In this moment, I will never be younger than I am now, so let's take a breath, enjoy the fact that the Ginger isn't moving too far, and be totally in love with life! 

Here's to a new chapter and a new apartment in an old city! 

Photo Credit: Pinterest

On a side note: My boo from college has started a blog: http://thejourneyof3cs.blogspot.com/. Please check it out. She does such a good job letting her voice carry across the screen and inspire others to do their best! (: 

Motivation Monday! (:

photo credit: Pinterest

While Monday is almost over, the need for motivation never is! 

It's been a while since I have blogged, especially about my search for a new home and a new job, and it's because my present has been so busy that I haven't had time to think about my future, which may be a good thing! 

Over spring break, instead of seriously job and soul searching, I relaxed. I took a breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding, and it was marvelous. I spent time with my best friend and my family and it was exactly what I needed. I actually read a book for fun - not to tell my kids about, not to learn more best practices - just for fun, and it was so necessary for myself. I participated in a creative writing group that I worked to get accepted into, but have neglected due to work and school, and that was so nice to have people recognize me apart from my job or profession. I realized, over spring break, that a large part of my self-identity is wrapped up in my job. I'll leave that for another blog post. (: 

We are in the midst of EOG review, which is a work-out for me and my kids. Critically thinking for 90% of your day is exhausting for everyone, even the grown-up in the room, so it's been a challenge to help my kids adjust, when I can't even get myself together half the time. I can't complain though - my students are such hard workers; their work ethic will put anyone's to shame. My part time job has finally wrapped, and I am so grateful for that opportunity. The world knows I already didn't make enough money, so having a second job has more than helped out with expenses, but it will be nice to have the time back to focus on school and the potential of another job. 

I have an interview for the job in California on Wednesday via Skype, which is very exciting, but at the same time, I am almost numb to the experience. I think my mind has put itself on auto-pilot while job searching, because it's so overwhelming. I get so anxious that I won't be good enough or I won't make the right decision or I won't like the outcome - I worry more about the outcome than I do about the journey, and it shouldn't be that at all. I need to enjoy the journey and be prepared for an outcome either way. Some people would give up a lot for this opportunity, and I have to take advantage of it. So here's to California and good news! 

With Monday winding to a close and Tuesday getting dressed and packing its lunch to report for duty, take a moment to breathe and remember that this is your life. No one else owns it. No one else is owed an explanation or an answer or a justification. It's your's. You do what you want with it - however little or big it is, you do it. If all else fails, just remember Jay-Z and Beyonce are going on tour together this summer and all will be right in the world again. 

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:25-26

Photo credit: Pinterest

Photo credit: Pinterest

Working Woman Wednesday!

Photo courtesy of Pinterest/Bluntcard 

Feeling frustrated? Waiting for greatness? Wishing for fame and fortune? 

Stop, pause, and enjoy #workingwomanwednesday! 

It's been a week since my last post, and while my job search has slowed and I haven't heard much from other schools, my life has still be a whirlwind. I've been having small moments, where I've been rethinking relocating or leaving my current school, and who knows why? My mind and my life are entities of their own. I can make plans, I can fill out applications and I can call and interview, but at the end of the day, if God and the world has another plan for me, then it all doesn't matter. I have had to come to terms with this lately, that there are times when things are legitimately out of my control. That sounds so stupid, especially since I am 24 - you would think I would have learned or observed that by now. I am an obnoxious control freak, bordering on the point of therapy, and up until now, everything I have wanted, at least in a professional sense, I have gotten. This is the first time I have ever had to slow down and wait. 

Realistically, that's neither here nor there, because I have a current job and current cupcakes, who need me and my undivided attention. We are preparing for EOGs and my students and I are preparing for our version of a championship. My students work so hard and are so very wonderful - I couldn't ask for a better class, and after seeing their Case 21 scores yesterday, they don't have such a bad teacher either. (: 

That brings me to my overall point on this halfway rainy, halfway to spring break Wednesday - today, praise yourself. Take a moment to stop and praise yourself. Don't wait for someone else to do it or someone else to notice - you will be waiting forever. Treat yourself kindly and love yourself. Your opinion matters more than anything else. 

This is so very important to me right now, because I am seeking to believe in myself internally as much as I appear believe in myself externally. I want you to do the same thing - make your inner voice match your outer voice. All of those things you want to hear from someone else, make yourself say them. Don't let others influence how you feel about yourself. You have one self - spend your life loving yourself, and what the world thinks won't matter. 

Photo courtesy of Pinterest 

Working Woman Wednesday!

Photo Credit: Kush and Wizdon

Wednesday - my favorite Addams family member, not quite my favorite day of the week, but I am a sucker for alliteration. (: 

There have been so many little moments in this week that have reminded me how grateful I am for my life and the people in it. My students, despite having mock EOGs three days this week, have kept positive spirits and handled it well. My mom has called me twice to wake up, since I forgot to set any alarm (Where do they do that at?) I haven't been to the beach since my senior year of college, so pretty much a million years ago, and my best friend and I planned a two day trip that I could not be more excited about. When you need reminding, your life will remind how much you have and how blessed you are and that's a beautiful thing.  

On the job front, since that was the main purpose for this endeavor, things have quieted. I could not afford to travel to California at such short notice for an interview, so they are working to schedule Skype interviews with me, and I have made a list of places I am interested in. As most in the educational field know, teachers hold onto jobs till the literal last moment, so right now, we are in a waiting game. We can definitely cross any place outside of the US off (for now.) Again, this is a journey - journeys aren't meant to a straight path or even a mapped course. You have to chart your own way. People can come if they want, but remember: success isn't an escalator, it's a staircase. 

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson 

I wish they all could be California girls...

Yesterday, a representative from the school in California I really, really, really like called me to invite me to an interview. For a moment, I was elated - truly ecstatic. That feeling was quickly followed up with anxiety about what am I leaving behind, what am I sacrificing - such stupid thoughts to have after receiving a call that I have been waiting for. 

Last night, I wallowed in my pity party that I was the only invitee to. I let myself be consumed with fear of losing my best friend, missing my family too much, and thoughts of people forgetting me if I moved away. This morning, though, I had to shake off the hangover from my one person party and remind myself that there was a time in my life when I wasn't afraid of anything, most certainly not moving away. It's time to resurrect that attitude - this is an adventure. I prayed and sought one, and now I've got it - I can't shy away now. 

After the initial shock, I have had to take a step back and review logistics. How will I move my stuff across country? Will Carlos (my cat, the love of my life, my constant man crush monday) like the days long car rides? Will I be another poor, working too hard teacher or can I actually enjoy life? So many questions, very few answers, and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. 

It doesn't matter. Everything will work itself out, and if it doesn't, I can always call my mom. 

So, California, get ready for this ginger - Lucy's on the way! 

I turned down a job in Morocco.

Today, I turned down a job in Morocco. It was at a prestigious institution with a halfway decent benefit package, but I did not take it. It wasn't for me. 

In the past few weeks, an interest in changing jobs and relocating has grown from lazily browsing overseas recruiting sites to diligently completing applications and writing cover letters. I am actively pursuing a different avenue for my life, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I am scared. I am scared of rejection. I am scared of change. I am scared that I am making a wrong decision. 

I have had to take a step back in this short journey and ask myself - why? Why am I scared of such silly, truly pointless concerns? Is it because that I have grown up, grown comfortable, or grown complacent? All of those are awful realizations. I never want to grow up. I don't like being comfortable, and being complacent is one of my biggest fears. I am not called to be average or mediocre - my attitude, Beyonce, and Jesus tell me so. I need to pursue a new job and a new avenue for my life just as I pursued my bachelor's degree, my master's, and excellence for my current students. I have to take that step, I have to shed that fear, that heavy, pointless, sinking fear and chase the life I have always dreamed of living. 

So, here it is, a blog about my journey - my journey for a new job, my journey of overcoming fear, and most importantly, a journey for the life I've always imagined. 

Here's to being a ginger on the move...