Thoughts for Thursday.

I am a sucker for alliteration - as most of my posts show. Today is no different - let's have some positive thoughts for Thursday. 

This week has been a whirlwind - as most are, but the urgency of the EOG has been looming over my head and my students, and we have been putting in work to see results. We've been working hard all year (don't get it twisted), but every great puts in hard work in the eleventh hour.

Despite my personal and professional life being in shambles for a ton of reasons, my time with students is something I crave. It's consistency, it's safe, and it's a positive experience. I love being in my classroom with them, and having discussions about humans and their impact on ecosystems, watching disgusting videos of parasites, and trying every operation to figure out a word problem - being their teacher, being a teacher is the only thing I am sure of in my life right now. 

This week has been hard, because I have realized that people I respected do not necessarily have respect for me. I won't get too specific or too personal for professional reasons, but I had a moment of clarity when my tender heart realized that not everyone, even those who I respect, respect or value me. This has made me reevaluate my choice to stay at my school, and where I want my life to go. 

I recently read an article about turning 25 (which I do this year), and the author made a point to explain that at 25, she had to make some concrete decisions about where her life was going and where it would go, and at the end of the day, she had to cut off activities that were toxic or not helping her achieve her ultimate goal. I feel like that right now. How much do I cut off - how much do I change, so I can achieve my ultimate goal? How much do I tolerate for convenience and comfort? How much of myself do I sacrifice for a chance to do what I want? 

I have a job interview on Tuesday for a private school in a neighboring city. I am completing applications for another round of graduate school (cheers to being a life-long learner!), and I am supposed to move into a new apartment next Saturday.

Whatever decision I make in the next nine days will affect everything for next year and potentially, the rest of my life; but at the end of the day, I only have myself to be loyal to - no matter how much I feel loyal to my work place or to a supervisor or a colleague - I only have myself and my dream to truly think about. 

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

9 days.

Photo credit: Google Images

9 days. 

9 days till the EOG. 

Such a scary thought. 

9 days till my students are assessed on everything we have learned, practiced, discussed, and worked on the entire year. 

9 days till my reputation rests on the shoulders of 10 year olds. 

As a teacher, you have to disassociate yourself from the reality of test scores, and be the best teacher you can be every single day. I cannot be crippled by fear of failure on my part or the part of my students. Being afraid doesn't teach them to preserve and try their best. Being hesitant doesn't show them it's okay to make mistakes and try again and again. I am the best role model for my students and I have to set the tone of success, the attitude of excellence that needs to be poured into my classroom. 

I have been blessed with a group of students who know that knowledge and intelligence comes from hard work and lots of experience, and I have tried my best to give them that this year. I have to take comfort in the fact that I have tried my best, and they will try their best too. We are family. We are in this together. This is our journey and in 9 days, it's going to wrap up. 

To the next 9 days of my life and the EOGs, prepare to be defeated and bloodied by the most fabulous fifth graders ever.