I met my match.

I met my match in a third grade language arts/social studies job opening at a charter school in Raleigh. 

I didn't get it. 

I know what you're thinking, people don't get jobs every day, Lucy - this isn't a big deal. The unemployment rate is at epic proportions in parts of the country, people not getting a job isn't a big deal. 

Not getting a job is a big deal, and it is a big deal to me. For me, this is the first occurrence of this kind. Yes, in my twenty-four years, this is the first time I haven't gotten what I wanted professionally or academically. I haven't always been the prettiest or the most athletic, but I've always been close to the smartest, and refused to be outworked by anyone - call it boastful, but I know my strengths. I have never not gotten the job, until last night, when I saw the principal's name flash across my inbox, and I took a breath and read it. I reread it, and reread it again to be sure - yeah, I didn't get it. The competition was tough, we went in the best direction - blah, blah, blah - it all means the same thing - We didn't pick you. 

I took it harder than I thought. For my first disappointment in my professional career, I took it as hard as a boy breaking up with me. I cried, had a pity party, cried to my mom on the phone, blew my nose, and cried some more. I sobbed I wasn't good enough or not worthy enough, but at the end of the day, what good does that do? 

Truth be told, I am good enough - I am good enough for that richy-rich school and I am good enough at the 100% free and reduced lunch school and everything in between- I am good enough anywhere - it just wasn't my time. Say what you will about destiny and a life plan, but I honestly believe if things are meant for you, you will receive them. You will not have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. You won't have to make unrealistic promises or outlandish trades to get what you deserve. It will come to you - through hard work and perseverance, it will come to you. 

So, here it is Tuesday, on the last week of school, and my wounds are fresh from disappointment and already missing my students more than I should. I am a weepy mess, and that's okay. It's time to finish out school and place job-searching and life-searching on the back burner, because I have an itty bitty amount of time left with my best friends who are ten, and I will enjoy every minute of it, because for them - I am enough. I am more than enough (they threw me a surprise party - more to come later), and for me, they are my support system, my motivation, the reason I will probably end up single with ten cats and ten degrees, and not regret any of it. 

My tale for Tuesday - There is no elevator to success - you have to take the stairs. Sometimes, the stairwell closes and you have wait for another door to open, sometimes you have to go back down and take another set, and sometimes, you sit down on the stairs and have a party while you wait. Either way, however you do it - do it. Meet your matches and sprint when you can - work as hard as you expect others too. 

Until Thursday, my friends (: 

Motivation Monday! (:

photo credit: Pinterest

While Monday is almost over, the need for motivation never is! 

It's been a while since I have blogged, especially about my search for a new home and a new job, and it's because my present has been so busy that I haven't had time to think about my future, which may be a good thing! 

Over spring break, instead of seriously job and soul searching, I relaxed. I took a breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding, and it was marvelous. I spent time with my best friend and my family and it was exactly what I needed. I actually read a book for fun - not to tell my kids about, not to learn more best practices - just for fun, and it was so necessary for myself. I participated in a creative writing group that I worked to get accepted into, but have neglected due to work and school, and that was so nice to have people recognize me apart from my job or profession. I realized, over spring break, that a large part of my self-identity is wrapped up in my job. I'll leave that for another blog post. (: 

We are in the midst of EOG review, which is a work-out for me and my kids. Critically thinking for 90% of your day is exhausting for everyone, even the grown-up in the room, so it's been a challenge to help my kids adjust, when I can't even get myself together half the time. I can't complain though - my students are such hard workers; their work ethic will put anyone's to shame. My part time job has finally wrapped, and I am so grateful for that opportunity. The world knows I already didn't make enough money, so having a second job has more than helped out with expenses, but it will be nice to have the time back to focus on school and the potential of another job. 

I have an interview for the job in California on Wednesday via Skype, which is very exciting, but at the same time, I am almost numb to the experience. I think my mind has put itself on auto-pilot while job searching, because it's so overwhelming. I get so anxious that I won't be good enough or I won't make the right decision or I won't like the outcome - I worry more about the outcome than I do about the journey, and it shouldn't be that at all. I need to enjoy the journey and be prepared for an outcome either way. Some people would give up a lot for this opportunity, and I have to take advantage of it. So here's to California and good news! 

With Monday winding to a close and Tuesday getting dressed and packing its lunch to report for duty, take a moment to breathe and remember that this is your life. No one else owns it. No one else is owed an explanation or an answer or a justification. It's your's. You do what you want with it - however little or big it is, you do it. If all else fails, just remember Jay-Z and Beyonce are going on tour together this summer and all will be right in the world again. 

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:25-26

Photo credit: Pinterest

Photo credit: Pinterest

I turned down a job in Morocco.

Today, I turned down a job in Morocco. It was at a prestigious institution with a halfway decent benefit package, but I did not take it. It wasn't for me. 

In the past few weeks, an interest in changing jobs and relocating has grown from lazily browsing overseas recruiting sites to diligently completing applications and writing cover letters. I am actively pursuing a different avenue for my life, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I am scared. I am scared of rejection. I am scared of change. I am scared that I am making a wrong decision. 

I have had to take a step back in this short journey and ask myself - why? Why am I scared of such silly, truly pointless concerns? Is it because that I have grown up, grown comfortable, or grown complacent? All of those are awful realizations. I never want to grow up. I don't like being comfortable, and being complacent is one of my biggest fears. I am not called to be average or mediocre - my attitude, Beyonce, and Jesus tell me so. I need to pursue a new job and a new avenue for my life just as I pursued my bachelor's degree, my master's, and excellence for my current students. I have to take that step, I have to shed that fear, that heavy, pointless, sinking fear and chase the life I have always dreamed of living. 

So, here it is, a blog about my journey - my journey for a new job, my journey of overcoming fear, and most importantly, a journey for the life I've always imagined. 

Here's to being a ginger on the move...